


Crimson Red

by rundaehyun



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Himchan - Freeform, M/M, Yongguk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rundaehyun/pseuds/rundaehyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that love changes people. But pain does too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crimson Red

_“People says love is strong. But remember, pain is stronger.”_

 

Yongguk’s hands tremble, his eyes widen and somehow the jolt in his heart makes it clench painfully against his ribcage. He stares in horror at the beauty in front of his own two eyes. Someone he loves so much until his heart hurts. He is sitting on his white covered bed, facing his lover who is laying on the left side of the bed.

 

He wants to touch Himchan, he really wants to. He wants to caress Himchan’s used to be flawless face tenderly, he wants to kiss Himchan’s once red and full lips… but on the top of it, he simply just wants to say that he loves Himchan, once again. He wants to whisper one love word to Himchan’s ear and see those big eyes glows with tears of happiness.

 

But right now he is too afraid if it will not work anymore.

 

He is afraid if the love words will not be enough to make Himchan stay. Even he is not sure if his tears will makes any difference now. He had hurt Himchan too much… Even regrets are too late now. There is nothing he can do and the fear keeps increasing by the second.

 

But Himchan is there, right in front of his eyes, laying almost too peaceful to be categorized as sleeping. Yongguk can feel his tears fall when he extends his hand to touch the face of a man he loves. It’s been so long… It’s been so long he hasn’t feel the softness of Himchan’s cheeks on the back of his hand. It’s been so long he hasn’t kiss those full lips with love.

 

It’s been too long that he can not recall when is the last time a soft call of “Hime” or “Princess” slips between his lips…

 

“You know how much I love you right, Channie?” Yongguk wants to feel the softness of Himchan’s black hair against his palm, but the sight of the crimson red color on the white cover frightens him.

 

Crimson red.

 

Blood.

 

Himchan’s blood hasn’t dried yet. He thought the previous night he had cleaned Himchan enough to make sure that the blood stopped. He made sure that Himchan is clean enough before he puts him on the bed and lull him to sleep, after spending more than one hour in the bathroom trying to wash the blood off Himchan’s once flawless skin.

 

Yongguk is still remember how Himchan whimpers quietly once his back touched the bathub base. Yongguk is still remember how Himchan bite on his lower lip until it bleeds to help him cope with the pain. But most of all, Yongguk remembers how that silent tears continously flowing from Himchan’s eyes revealing the pain and sadness that he hides.

 

_“Does it hurt?” Yongguk asks as he helps Himchan wash the blood from his hair. Himchan lays in the bathub and Yongguk is squatting down on his head side washing his hair. The water quickly turns crimson red, even Yongguk is surprised but maybe Himchan do not notice or he simply do not want to see._

 

_It was silent for awhile. All they can hear is the water running from the faucet… and Himchan’s choked sobs that escapes his lips although he tries hard to hide it. “Does it hurt?” Yongguk repeats his question, and strangely he can feel Himchan’s body shakes a little._

 

_“N-no… But please be gentle a little…” Himchan’s voice comes out like a whisper. Yongguk can hear Himchan’s harsh breathes, he knows too well that Himchan is in pain. There is no way someone do not feel pain when there is an open wound on the back of his head._

 

_When Yongguk helps Himchan scrubbing his body, his face contorted in pain. He closes his eyes but the tears slipped. Himchan isn’t dare to cry out loud because it will only makes Yongguk angry. Himchan doesn’t want to cry but the pain is too much for his skinny body to bear._

 

_Himchan gasped loudly when Yongguk accidentally brushed his rib a little too rough. Himchan felt like blacking out for a second because the pain is too much, but then he regains his consciousness again. He opens his eyes only to meet a pair of Yongguk’s concerned eyes… and somehow just by looking at them Himchan succeed to draw a forced and crooked smile on his lips._

 

_“It… hurts a little… I’m sorry.” He said, but somehow the apology sends a pang on Yongguk’s heart. Himchan has no fault, even he is the one who is hurting but he says sorry. Yongguk too, wants to apologize but his pride is way too high to do so._

 

There he is, the pretty Himchan who is laying on the bed sleeping soundly—once awhile he unconsciously cringe in pain but then he relaxed again. His pretty Himchan who was the one whom people wanted to date the most back in the college. His pretty Himchan who is only attracted to one person—despite everything he had done… Bang Yongguk.

 

Yongguk still stares at Himchan. He looks so weak and pale in his sleep. And when he is awake, the forced smile and short breathes makes him looks so broken.

 

Yongguk traces the big and ugly bruise on Himchan’s temple and forehead with his slender finger. He had broke his lover; the one whom he claimed as someone he loves the most. Himchan is laying there with an open wound on the back of his head—that is still continously bleeds making the pillow red, ugly bruises on most of his body surface, cracked or broken ribs and twisted ankles.

 

Sometimes Yongguk wonders if he is an animal.

 

_Yongguk slaps Himchan for god knows how many times that day. Yongguk wasn’t drunk this time. He is sober. He hates it when Himchan starts refusing what he told Himchan to do, but Himchan is too stubborn to just give him what he wants._

 

_“Sign it, damn it!” Yongguk growls in anger because Himchan keeps refusing his order. Himchan had torn three pieces of divorce papers and he won’t let the fourth one ended up failed too._

 

_“Please, no… No, Yongguk, I can’t… I love you, I can not do this… Please…” Himchan’s already weak body slammed into the cold wall making him cringe in pain. His head is bleeding, he can feel it. The pain of the previous beating is still there, and today he can only pray not to end up laying comma on hospital bed. He can not give up, he can not fall unconscious because he has to make sure that Yongguk is still there. He has to make sure that he is still in their house, with Yongguk._

 

_“What so hard about signing a piece of paper?! I am setting you free, idiot! Sign the paper before I change my mind!”_

 

_Himchan dragged his badly beaten body to Yongguk’s side, he reach for Yongguk’s hand only to get slapped once again. “Change… Please just change your mind already. I will not sign the divorce paper, and its final.”_

 

_“This bitch!” is what Himchan heard before he completely lost all of it and fall unconscious._

 

Yongguk reaches for Himchan’s hand, his heart once again hurt when he feel how cold it is against his skin. The hands that used to cook for him, used to take care of him, used to held against his own… Those hands had done so much for him. When he realizes their wedding ring is still there, Yongguk really wants to break down.

 

_“I am no romantic, Chan, but I think marrying you is the most romantic thing I could ever do. I am such a loser, but lets fight together. Forever is such a long time, but lets not give up on each other.”_

 

“You still don’t want to give up on me, Chan?” Yongguk kisses Himchan’s hand, “I can’t hurt you more than this, so please give up already…”

 

Everytime he looks at Himchan sleeping soundly like an angel, the love increases. He loves Himchan, too much for him to convey, but there is something inside of him that is confuse how to make Himchan stay forever and never leave. Yongguk had gone through so many things. So many loss and disappointments even since he was a kid. He was weak, a pathetic little boy who can not do anything so everyone can just leave him but he can not do anything about that. At first his father leaves, and then his mother, also his siblings…. Leaving him with no one but himself. He had no strength to keep them with him.

 

That’s why he has to be strong to keep Himchan. Himchan is the only one he had now and he feels like he will really go crazy if Himchan leaves too. He has to show Himchan how strong he is, so Himchan will never dare to leave him.

 

But he did it wrong. He became so much overprotective towards Himchan and he starts beating him, hurting him physically. Himchan was never one to complain, he doesn’t even cry. Yongguk refuses to look at Himchan, because as long as Himchan is there and not leaving him, it is enough. But as time goes by, when Yongguk takes a look again at the bruises and cuts he had done to the one he loves, the guilt consume him.

 

There is time when Himchan suddenly fainted one morning when he prepared the breakfast and fortunately Yongguk was there to catch him. The fragile man had caught a very bad cold and Yongguk decided to take care of him. When Yongguk take his shirt off, that’s when he break down the most. The bruises on Himchan body is too many to count, as if its not caused by human.

 

And that’s when Yongguk decided to file a divorce, for the sake of Himchan’s safety. For the sake of Himchan’s happiness. Because he is crazy, and he is not a human.

 

Yongguk moves to the edge of the bed, his legs touch the cold floor with his back facing Himchan. He covers his mouth with his right hand to muffle his sobs. He cries, finally he cries like this again just like he was a kid. The guilt, the fear, and the love comes at the same time, stirring his already scarred heart in a very rough way to make it more painful.

 

So finally he will let Himchan go… If Himchan can not sign the divorce paper, Yongguk will just leave. He is afraid if someday he will get out of control again… what if he kills Himchan?

 

Even if he ask forgiveness to Himchan, will he ever forgive him? Will Himchan ever recover from the fear? Will Himchan stop shaking when Yongguk touch him? Will Himchan ever trust him again…?

 

Because deep down, Himchan is the only one he ever love this much.

 

But he also knows, if love can change people, pain does too. He wonder if Himchan had changed because of the pain, because Yongguk had changed because of his love.

 

Yongguk wats to scream, but he is just sobbing there burying his face to his palm. His body shakes in anger and fear, but he is too confuse and hurt to move.

 

And that’s when Yongguk feel a pair of skinny arms circled around his waist, and warmness creep up on his back… Yongguk stunned, he doesn’t move.

 

“Don’t cry….” Those weak husky voice said. He doesn’t sound like Himchan…. The voice sounds hurt, but that is what Himchan felt right now, right? Hurt.

 

“I am so sorry, Bbang… Please don’t cry.” He said, burying his face to Yongguk’s warm back. He had miss this warmness… He had miss this scent of his lover. He had missed everything.

 

Yongguk can feel his shirt wet of Himchan’s silent tears. As time goes by, Himchan becomes really good in hiding his cries, but it hurts even more.

 

“Forever is such a long time, Bbang… It’s too long. When we promised about forever, we didn’t know that love will change us… We didn’t know that pain would come… and somehow it change us too…”

 

Himchan’s voice is just barely above a whisper, but Yongguk can still hear him. They both are crying, Himchan can feel Yongguk’s body shakes, and Yongguk can feel the back of his shirt wet.

 

“I am such a monster. I hurt you a lot… You have been hurting a lot because fo me, I am such a monster, please… forgive me. I am sorry, I am so sorry…”

 

That’s when Yongguk’s body reacted against its own, he peeled Himchan’s hand off his body and he turns to Himchan, burying his face to the crook of Himchan’s neck and sob his heart out.  He cries like there is no tomorrow, just like what he did when he was a kid. He is afraid of losing Himchan, and the fact that it will really happens frighten him more. Himchan wrapped his arm around his head, letting the man he loves cries there to relief his broken heart.

 

“I have been hurting you a lot…” he said, but Himchan just keep silent and strokes his head. Himchan shush him, like a mother protecting her child.

 

“I am okay… I am okay.” Himchan patted Yongguk’s head, silently feels the pain in his heart lessen because of the warm hug… because of the continous tears that falls from both of them.

 

“Please forgive me, Chan… Please don’t give up on me just yet… Please, please…” Yongguk cries to Himchan’s chest, burying his face there like a kid losing his mom.

 

Himchan release the hug, just to see Yongguk’s tear filled eyes and wet cheeks. Himchan draws a smile on his lips, caressing his lover’s cheeks with both of his hand, wiping the tears away. Tears also fall from his own eyes, but strangely he doesn’t feel as hurt as usual.

 

“Please come back to me, Chan… Please don’t leave me…”

 

Yongguk really looks like a little kid begging for his mom not to go. It melts Himchan’s heart, how hurt Yongguk sounds, how much he cries… Yongguk is a man with pride, he doesn’t cry like this in front of people. But for Himchan, he even beg him to stay…

 

Himchan shakes his head, smiling slightly. “I won’t give up on you.” He said, bringing Yongguk’s face closer to his and capture those thick lips in a kiss. When Himchan is about to part their lips, Yongguk deepen the kiss, claiming those lips as his again, confessing nonverbally that the love is still there and still as great as what it used to.

 

“I’m such a loser, but let’s fight together.” Yongguk said, repeating the words he once said. Himchan smiles, his broken heart maybe still hurt, but the pain lessen every second. He decided to believe again, he decided to keep his promise.

 

“Forever is such a long time, but let’s not give up on each other.” Himchan said, and it makes Yongguk smile because atually Himchan still remember what he says when Yongguk proposed to him. Yongguk pulls Himchan into a hug again, whispering love words again and again. Maybe Himchan is still hurting right now, but he promised to himself that he will personally heal him. Love changes people, and Yongguk is willing to change for the sake of Himchan’s happiness.

.

.

.

_-Because love is for those who wait, and forever is for those who fight.-_

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on AFF


End file.
